“There are times when you need the silence of animals to recover from the noise of humans.” (A Mad Girl’s Love Song)

Grief over the loss of a pet/fur baby is an often forgotten, dismissed and a misunderstood category of grief.

It is no secret that most Western societies do not cope or support others well when it comes to grief; therefore, it’s not surprising that people’s response can be even worse when it comes to the loss of a pet.

As a person who has chosen not to have children and feels fully fulfilled as a fur baby mum, this is a topic that is extremely important to me. I lost my beloved cat one week before having him brought over to New Zealand to join me and my husband. I was at a new job, in a new country and while people were verbally sympathetic, their behaviours indicated no tolerance or understanding for the depth of my grief. I learned quickly that outside of my husband and closest friends, I had no safe space to talk about or express my grief.

Grieving is not a ‘one-size-fits-all’ response and having a therapist who understands and can help tailor their assistance/support to your needs on your grief journey is essential.

“Shame dies when stories are told in safe places.” (Ann Voskamp)

When a group collectively experiences a horrific event, such as war, natural disasters, racism, abuse and discrimination. Trauma is the response to an event that causes adverse physical, psychological/emotional responses that impact a person’s wellbeing/quality of life.

Generational trauma extends those adverse responses through the generations. Like hair, skin and eye colour, heirlooms and traditions, trauma can also be passed down through families. Inheriting trauma is often called “generational trauma” or “intergenerational/transgenerational trauma”.

Generational trauma can occur through social, psychological, biological and/or environmental means. While more research is needed in this area, there is some evidence to suggest that generational trauma can happen in the uterus. An example would be a foetus being exposed to chemicals involved in *maternal stress that impact future development. Epigenetic changes can happen in a person’s DNA when trauma is experienced thereby causing generational trauma.

Engaging in therapy can not only help one gain an understanding of family/personal behaviours, but can also provide a blueprint for changing unhealthy patterns passed down from generation to generation.

*I just want to take a second to say that this is not to be used as a means to “blame/persecute” the person who experiences a trauma whilst pregnant. These chemicals are directly related to a trauma event that has happened to this person and is a biological response that is uncontrollable.

Yehuda R, Lehrner A. Intergenerational transmission of trauma effects: putative role of epigenetic mechanisms. World Psychiatry. 2018;17(3):243-257. doi:10.1002/wps.20568

“May you attract someone who speaks your language so you don’t have to spend a lifetime translating your soul.” (unknown author)

Many people may feel that words such as, ADHD/ADD, neurodiversity and spectrum are “just popular because of social media” and/or “an over diagnosed fad.” However, those of us who suffer from these symptoms/diagnoses are all too aware of the devastating consequences to our quality of life.

Because of the way the world is structured, people experiencing these symptoms often are made to feel shame, guilt and responsibility for their inability to “fit in” within the wider society’s social constructs. Additionally, it is all too common for people to be made to feel “lazy” and/or “stupid” for their struggles with completing seemingly simple tasks.

Fortunately, psychology and psychiatry have come a long way in understanding and treating neurodiversity. First and foremost, if you suspect that you may be suffering from untreated/undiagnosed neurodiverse diagnoses, it is important to find a clinical psychologist who can perform an evaluation to help clarify your appropriate diagnosis/diagnoses.

During the evaluation your gender and cultural identification should be considered. Sadly, but also fortunately, we know that most studies are conducted on people assigned male at birth, and more often than not those males are white. An experienced psychologist working within neurodiverse diagnoses will have a thorough understanding of how people assigned female at birth’s symptoms will often present differently from the stereotypical hyperactive “boy.”

Additionally, during assessment it is important to consider one’s cultural identity so there is an understanding of symptomatology versus norms within the person’s culture. In other words, what is “normal/typical acceptable behaviors” in some cultures could be misconstrued as “problematic and or symptomatic” in different cultures.

Once one has a received neurodivergent diagnosis/diagnoses, it is important to find a psychologist/therapist who provides a safe environment where you feel comfortable being yourself. As previously mentioned, the world is not designed for neurodiverse people. So, having a safe space where you are encouraged and supported in your uniqueness while also learning healthy coping skills tailored specifically for you is extremely important.

If you have questions on how to find a therapist that feels right for you, check out my podcast on this topic, or just reach out to see if I might be a good fit for you :).

“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.” (Charles M. Blow)

My specialty is health psychology, which has allowed me to engage in the beautiful and heartwrenching (and strengthening!) field of death and dying.

It is an honour to work with someone and/or their whānau through this important and unavoidable stage of life. However, throughout my years of working in hospitals and outpatient clinics, I have learned that most health practitioners have never had training in coping with their own feelings and reactions to this topic. This can negatively affect the way a clinician delivers bad news and interacts with their patient and their whānau throughout this journey. Sometimes the clinician will feel uncomfortable which can lead to a “cold” demeanor. This is something that usually doesn’t feel good to either the patient or the clinician.

I was asked many times by my teams and colleagues for assistance with this, so I created a workshop and began training health practitioners on this topic. Please reach out if you are interested in a workshop — I can and will tailor it specifically to your needs.

“The hardest part of change is letting go of what’s comfortable, even if it no longer serves you. But when you choose growth over fear, you step into a version of yourself that is stronger, wiser, and more aligned with your purpose.” (Familiar: Self Care Companion)

I’ve been lucky enough to work as a professional singer, dancer, actress in my previous life. “Previous life” implies also that I’ve gone through the pain and grief of giving this life up to become a clinical psychologist — which has given me a unique perspective and knowledge in this area.

I didn’t know if I was making the right decision or who I was outside of my work in the entertainment business. At 21, just when I obtained a record deal and was starting to work with up and coming (now famous) artists, I walked away. I decided to change the entire course of my life and it was terrifying. I was lucky that I was able to choose this for myself and I wasn’t forced out due to injuries or other possible reasons for retirement. However, no matter the reason, walking away or being unable to continue a path that is all you’ve ever known, is painful and excruciating.

This is a specific type of grief that isn’t talked about often and isn’t understood by others who haven’t experienced it. Going to therapy for support and assistance during this time in my life was a game changer. It helped me learn to cope and identify new areas of myself to explore and strengthen.

“My body could stand the crutches but my mind couldn’t stand the sideline.” (Michael Jordan)

Given my love of nature and adventure, it’s no surprise that I have had my share of injuries (e.g., shredding my ACL skiing, slicing my head open surfing, slipped disc from horse riding, etc).

In the past few years, I’ve become an extreme sport athlete. I just competed in my first World Ice Swimming Championships in Europe! During training I have had to learn how to work with previous injuries — and keep coming back after newer injuries slowed/halted my training. As athletes will know, some injuries are easier to come back from than others.

Shredding my ACL seven years ago has continued to impact my mobility, and I must constantly be aware of not putting more weight on one leg than the other. Having a slipped C6-C7 disc meant that I lost a month of my life having to lie flat in bed, and for a very long time after returning to CrossFit, I needed to switch to lighter weights and rely on dumbbells over a bar.

This may not sound important to most people, but for those of us who are working extremely hard at our sport, this is devastating. Inevitably, injuries seem to happen just as you are starting to see progress, and this can cause doubts, anxieties and depression. Not being able to move the way we’re used to can significantly impact our mental health, not to mention concerns for professional athletes of whether they will be able to return to their careers.

Adding a psychologist to your rehab team can make a huge difference in how you perform post injury. If you’ve healed your body but not your head, then you will continue to be at a disadvantage that is no less impactful than a physical injury.

“A drop of ink may make a million think.” (Lord Byron)

Everyone has seen, read or heard a story with a character or characters with a mental health diagnosis. What most people don’t realize is that most of these representations are not only misleading, but in fact totally inaccurate.

For example, an often feared and misunderstood diagnosis is Schizophrenia. When misrepresented in the media it is usually portrayed as a character (most often male,) who is violent (“psycho killers”, "slasher”, “homicidal killer”) unpredictable and has visual hallucinations. In fact, people diagnosed with Schizophrenia are no more likely to be violent than people without Schizophrenia, and people with mental illnesses are more likely to be the victim than the perpetrator. Additionally, visual hallucinations are actually not even the most common symptom of Schizophrenia.

Fortunately, we are learning and growing as a society. However, there are still many examples of mental health and mental health conditions being misrepresented. Not to mention the extremely outdated representation of therapy sessions. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve yelled at the screen saying, “I never say: ‘how does that make you feel?”

Inaccurate portrayals of mental illness, therapy sessions and psychiatric medication in the media causes harm by spreading misinformation that contributes to society’s ongoing dismissal of health issues that should be treated no differently than physical health. In addition, popular movies and tv shows can exert influences not only on societal attitudes, but may also prevent someone from seeking help because they have seen an incorrect portrayal of therapy and/or medications.

As a former professional actress, singer, dancer-turned clinical psychologist, I have experience in both worlds that lends to a unique understanding that allows me to assist writers, producers, actors, and directors with any questions that may arise when tackling the vast topic of mental health.

Whether it’s wanting to have a better understanding of how a character would behave or needing to know what an actual therapy session would look like, I can help you so that you don’t have to look back on your projects with regret or guilt for misrepresenting one of the most important topics in our society. There is no doubt that representation matters and therefore accurate representation can save lives.